It's The Weekend & I JUST WANT TO GET TRASHED... (Confessions of an Alcoholic)

Download videos:
hd720 medium

The temptation to get drunk on the weekends is a real one. Sobriety can be tested and problem drinkers can go back on their words when the trigger of Friday and Saturday rolls around and we start to forget our reasons for giving up drugs and alcohol. In this video, I discuss what I need even more then a buzz and why staying sober is so important to me as a recovering alcoholic. FACEBOOK: />INSTAGRAM : />TWITTER: />VLOG CHANNEL: />BigBroLilBro CHANNEL: /> Undercover Vampire Policeman by Chris Zabriskie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license ( />Source: />Artist: /> Please SHARE, LIKE, COMMENT, and even FAVORITE THIS VIDEO if you found it useful or if you know somebody who it may benefit. Thank you. DEPRESSION SCREENING TEST: /> My Story My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a vaccine called VIVITROL and consequently spiraled into a major, agitated, suicidal depression with depersonalization. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who along with many siblings and friends had to watch me 24/7 as I was so suicidal. I was eventually hospitalized. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, Mood stabilizers, anti psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I for the first time had any type of possible explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of such Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started Testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 4 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor. I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time!

Be true to your inner most self and have the courage to not let yourself down.
The Mental Health Herbalist
It's natural to want to escape and to transcend life 🐝🐝🐝🐝
Michael Karayan
You're an amazing human being bro, I hope I can kick this shit soon
Have you ever tried psychedelics like Ayahuasca as a tool in alleviating depression/anxiety? For me multiple life changing experiences with ayahuasca and psyliciben somehow rewired me in such a way where the chronic bouts of depersonalization just simply faded away, bringing me back out of my shell to my old self once again after so many years. you should definitly try it man it really opens up your third eye to so many answers of adversity we each face in us. stay awsome noah!
Jordan Jackson
you my friend have brought light to my darkest hours. just wanna say thanks. wish I could shake your hand you seem like a hell of a person.
Rising Force
All my friends are getting drunk every weekend, now i got no friends. :) Just trying to find a new social life with people that don't drink, has not been easy at all, btw, even my family drinks every weekend (Father, mother, uncles, grandfather, it's hard hard hard hard, i have been sober for 3 years). Weight training has been my salvation.
jorge fernandez
Been a while since the last time I dropped by. You've "changed"! An "excellent" video to which I'm going to "quote" from in my next meeting. I've "never" in my 23 years heard it put "that" way before. Thanx!!!
Jennifer Castile
I needed this today more than I ever could have imagined. Thank you for sharing this intimate part of yourself. Stay focused and blessed!
Pamela Kelly
Thanks for sharing your story. I am sure it will help many people to realize there is always hope. You are doing awesome.... I do agree that you have to love yourself... interesting how we often never think of that. Self-forgiveness can be very tough but critical in having any hope of moving forward in ones life. I have seen the horror story of alcoholism as my father was an alcoholic. I have seen the affects on the innocent even 50 years later. Stay strong.... Maybe try going to a church on a Wednesday evening just to listen... (warmest of hugs....) I will say a prayer!
Samsara Moksa
hello, greetings from uk. i really feel like you spoke to me in this video. you have an amazing understanding and communication skills on a level. i have to respect you here bro! you really sound like an honestly good person. please keep on making videos. i always look at it like tomorows another day and i just have to keep on going and people like you are an inspiration so i hope you continue to share your story pease and love to you all
The RedChili
Good shit man. you are stronger than you think!!
Rufaro Josephine Mutepfa
Awesome video. Powerful message!! So proud of you!
Strong words! Thanks for sharing very much appreciated IL make sure to Re watch this and use this video as an anti relapse tool. thanks enjoy the rest of the week end man!
Hey Noah. Just tested my T at 280. Explains why I've felt the way I have for the last 15 years. Pushing 32 now and I've just been referred to an endochinologist for TRT; the wait seems like eternity. I hope this treatment will help me to respect myself. Thank you for your insight and all of your videos. I understand you're burned out with YouTube. But even the quick-and-rough videos have helped me tremendously. I hope you continue these videos in the near future.
So much respect for this guy.
Great video, you are so money man. This video is so motivating
You are a strong man. You will come through.
Joy Walsh
Well done, every day is a battle when fighting those inner demons and laying your head down at night knowing you won that days battle and fought that demon must be such an awesome thing to feel. Proud of you and proud of anyone who is fighting these battles and winning! You can do it!
ThatMelGirl OneMoreTime
Thank you.. You are so inspirational.. I've watched several of your videos, and i can relate to emotions and thoughts that you have or had through your journey.. I recently started asking myself "Am i an alcoholic?" And it's very tough to decide, to face, everything.. Congrats on your sobriety!!
B Stokes
Thank you for sharing. Beautiful video and viewpoint
Mike Kalish
Noah, I'm not an addict, but I look UP to you in a way. You are doing something I don't know if I could do. You are winning a battle I don't know if I could fight. You not only have earned self respect, but you've earned the respect of others.
Bassin' & Bikein'
Dang. Thx for the motivation.
Cherry Monsterr
Such an inspiration😭🙌🏼
BGM Live!
Even just the lighting in this video is encouraging and motivating. Thanks for just bein there for us man. Your "niche" audience can't find this kind of reassurance anywhere else. Respect ya! Stay true is actually the motto on my (other) YouTube channel, so stay true man! We appreciate ya
greg kowatski
I've been sober for 2.5 years now and suffer from depression anxiety I just try to remember where I came from in addition wanting to end my life everyday , your a inspiration for me thanks for posting
I was staring into your eyes when you said gaping hole cheers
Teemu Kekkonen
Thanks for this one, funny how I've been thinking those same thoughts on my behalf. Everything else becomes "everything else" to me too when I drink and I lose my self respect because I know I can't keep doing this to myself.
Michael Wallis
Enjoyed watching .
You have a real gift there. Thanks for sharing it with us.
David Beining
Im lucky in the drinking game realized long long ago I was an alcoholic and really knock on wood no will to drink for me its easy because my whole family are alcoholics and its not the way I want to live Im 49 and honestly cant remember the last time I want to drink so If I can do it anybody can thats a fact
artistic amnesia
You are brave to say all this to the world. It helps all of us and it I'm sure it helps you. I respect you a great deal, and I truly wish you will always be able to see the great work you are doing for people. To then be proud of yourself for what you give to others.
prashant h
NOKNOW!!!! Hey man just wanted to say Ive never had depression/alcoholism/low t but I just like your channel for you!! You seem like a cool guy with cool tatts and a cool vibe. Your channel is going to be HUGE!! LOVE YOU, FINISH THAT SLEEVE AND TALK TO YOU SOON :)
Taylor Wendt
These words are just what I needed today, thank you Noah!
I feel like I just went to church!! ;) Beautiful video <3
Jacob Mornington
I just woke up and was feeling awful and hopeless. But what you've said reminds me that this is a new day and I can choose how this day goes, even if I can't choose how I feel. Thanks Noah
Gage McGowan
Dam man sounds like you got way more issues than getting drunk you should always have self respect for your self
i respect u
Jan Norris
You need to go to more meetings. You need a sponsor. You need to work the steps. You need to help others. There is a Friday night meeting in your area. Just go to the meeting.
So happy your taking back your life and discovering how awsome it really can be. So proud of the man I can see, you are coming to the surface and you knowing yourself like never before. You r becoming stronger both mentally and physically together and finding the sweet balance that life is and giving yourself the support and structure you need to succeed, is very encouraging for those who have loved ones in addiction and yet to get there. Thanks for sharing your story and being a true blue hero, who not only finds their way but helps others do the same. May your joy be full and you keep discovering all the beauty of life comes from keeping perspective and acting on it...such bravery and faithfulness to the goal, is its own reward and more beautiful than you could imagine. sadly its surrounded by everything that tries to mess that up, so we have to train our body, soul and spirit to wholly be still to the lies that want to suck life from us. I celebrate your awareness and am so happy for you and your family. They never forgot how wonderful you are and to see you understand and acknowledge you feel it too, has to be over the moon blessings for them. Your greatly loved and your a product of that great love and your producing great love to others by continuing the process of giving to those as you find it. Giving hope to those who love someone equally and are struggling daily with the same hurdles and hope they will have the same outcome and truly see what they need, to live authentically, all they were suppose to, and wake up to all thats been waiting right beside them all this time. God bless you and your journey with wisdom, strength and incredible joy!
Ramsey F.
Good work.
The Roar Within
Whilst I'm not an alcoholic... I have to avoid alcohol completely because it makes me feel so wiped out and depressed the next day. My body just cannot seem to tolerate it. Unfortunately, this means I deny any invitations for nights out - though I receive less because people know that I will just say no at this point. My job ends in July and we have a night out a couple of weeks before then. Everyone will be excitable and drunk ... I don't know whether to join in and be ill all weekend after, or just listen to my guy and drink Pepsi all night, feeling bored. I feel your pain.
Chase Fillingame
It is do difficult for me to resist the urge to drink sometimes.
what if you just drink because its fun. it makes me feel better than i normally would, give me energy. make the day that much better. has nothing to do with self worth. i don't drink to feel better about myself, I drink to feel relaxed and rest my mind.
why dont you do anything else? like marijuana
samantha Addison
Funny I stumbled across this video... I tried looking myself in the mirror the other nite and couldnt do it. Really been going threw a downer. Drinking isnt helping. I like how you look the camera in the eye. It makes it seem like you are looking me in the eye as a friend with conviction telling me this. Telling me what I need to hear. Thank you. You are very inspiring
Galaxy Ninja
oh I hate FrIdays sat kills me I battle on the daily.
l smith
I have trouble seeing how you could never respect yourself you seem like such a strong smart cool guy. I will probably drink tonight because I am so awkward in social situations and drinking is the only way I can relax a little bit to talk to people I am so uptight sometimes I don't even like alcohol that much
The worst
I completely understand the thought process you're enduring, i too often encounter myself wondering the same thing and I've come to finally realize that there is nothing i need less than that fucking evil liquor!
Rick Boers
Just realised it is holding me back. Im like a completely different person on the weekends. I isolate myself now by not going out and i feel peace and my inner self. Not drank alcohol in 8 days now. Feel different already and i didnt even know i had a problem. I drank really heavy on friday and saturday for 3 years straight. Going after my goals now.
Dude to be honest I don't know how to let go to once in a while getting on one. it makes me feel horrible about myself the following day. I have ignored it until now. but now I have to decide what I'm going to do because s*** is not right
Ben Affleck
Just got out of the psych ward 2 nights ago. I have clinical depression generalized anxiety disorder and more recently diagnosed with PTSD. I know how you feel with the alcohol, man. Just the night when I got out the ER I bought a litre of Green Label and almost downed the entire bottle in a night despite my telling myself I wouldn't, but I did. Alcohol really is one hell of a drug.
Rhyolite _
Can I ask you something, Noah? In your video you say that you are and "always will be an alcoholic," and I was wondering... why do you call yourself that? Do you or would you instead ever see yourself as "battling alcoholism" or "conquering it?" Is there like a sense of empowerment and strength you get when call yourself that?
Mechanical Poetry
I'm 17 weeks sober from alcohol. I want to quit smoking cigarettes next. I deal with anxiety and depression also. I've been more happy since I stopped drinking. But from time to time that stupid voice starts to get louder and it is hard to ignore. Just found this channel. Hope you are doing well Noah.
sobriety is boring, i find myself on the weekends, after working all week, relaxing watching movies in the evening, working out. the weekend hits, I'm burned out and theres nothing to do, so drinking gives me that needed energy and makes doing nothing entertaining. whats wrong with that
hey Noah. Watching this video gave me the boost I needed to get up and go to an AA meeting. The bottom line is that I need to remember at all times that, like taking my anti-depression meds for my depression, AA meetings are my medicine for my alcoholism. Thank you so much for the reminding me of that. I hope you have another wonder 24.